Thursday, November 25, 2010

Reminiscing.

I love My Chemical Romance. A lot.

It's not like they saved my life. There was no epiphany moment where I was holding a bottle of pills and I'm Not Okay came on the radio and I realised that, "hey, I don't want to die!"

But they were there for me (in a musical sense) when I felt like everything was falling apart. They made me. Before I started listening to them and music like them, I was ordinary. Like, no life ordinary.

And despite all the crap I got and still get for liking them, I don't give a fuck. Because well, they're special. They make me feel special.

The night I saw them live was the best night of my life. I honestly do not think anything could ever top it.

Now I'm pretty much rambling. But, Danger Days? Perfection.

Friday, November 5, 2010

This is me.

Procrastinating. My review of The Getaway Plan is here. It got put in Liveguide's review section (:

And here are some photos I took with my phone, which is why I'm proud, because they turned out not too badly. So yay me.



Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I can't sleep. I have too much to do. Can't sleep. I want to write, I really, really do, but if I write I feel guilty and if I sleep I feel guilty and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to deal with four VCE subjects next year if I can't deal with two.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Freaking out, sort of.

My accounting exam is in a week. I'm freaking out, sort of.

Can't think straight.

Monday, October 18, 2010

I really dislike people sometimes.

Not people per say. More like society. Which is made up of people. So I guess I am saying people.

I don't dislike you in particular. I think you're actually quite a nice person. So don't take it too personally. I know you don't actually mean to annoy me, I hope. Still, sometimes you manage to.

I am sick of bullshit and name-calling, and judgements and misconceptions. I'm sick of hypocrites, and dropkicks, and discrimination, and superiority. I'm sick of trying to fit your idea of the norm, I'm sick of trying to make a difference, I'm sick of this poisonous culture. I'm sick of the whole idea of true love, and I'm sick of the way relationships are portrayed in the media. I'm over your perfect little couples, and your condescension. I'm so tired of you thinking you're being liberal or whatever, because you're not, you're just being a dickhead and ignoring the facts staring you in the face. I'm sick of not seeing you and talking to you, because you were the one who taught me I wasn't good enough, and then you didn't tell me what was wrong.

So maybe I'm the problem.

I don't have any pretty pictures to go with this.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I met Juliet Landau today.

<3

I will post more later when I have regained the ability to write coherently.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I found a pretty cool song.

Unhappy Birthday - The Smiths

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)

Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I say "No, I'm gonna kill my dog"
And : "May the lines sag, may the lines sag heavy and deep tonight"


I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)


Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I said "No"
And then I shot myself
So, drink, drink, drink
And be ill tonight


From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Oh, unhappy birthday
Behind
Behind
Behind



Isn't it lovely?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

because I'm materialistic


My birthday's in a few days, and I'm not having any parties or anything happening, which is alright, because I'm not much for fusses. (Okay, admittedly I like people giving me attention, but that's beside the point.)

As much as I would like to think otherwise, I am materialistic, the same as most people. So here is my wishlist.

1. The full boxset of Buffy the Vampire Slayer


2. This Skeleton Crew shirt, which I've wanted since well, forever.


3. A decent drum kit. Like, I don't know, this one? (Never mind it costing something like four grand...)


4. A new // several new guitar/s. Preferably Fender or maybe Gibson.


5. Another external hard drive, because I've almost used up a terabyte.

6. More memory for my lovely Macbook, otherwise known as Max.

7. The Angel boxset!


8. THIS CARD.




9. Also, this man please.

Or this guy.


Don't wanna be too picky.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Seconds Before the Launch

This isn't me missing you. This is me missing the me I used to be.

This isn't me. 
From here

Sunday, October 3, 2010

A Genius Bids Farewell

So I found this on a piece of paper inside a library book a while back, and it was really pretty so I swiped it...


Gabriel Garcia Marquez has retired from public life due to health reasons: cancer of the lymph nodes. It seems that it is getting worse. He has sent a farewell letter to his friends, and thanks to the Internet it is spreading. This short text, written by one of the most brilliant Latin Americans in recent times, is truly moving.


If for an instant God were to forget that I am a rag doll and gifted me with a piece of life, possibly I wouldn't say all that I think, but rather I would think of all that I say. I would value things, not for their worth  but for what they mean.

I would sleep little, dream more, understanding that for each minute we close our eyes we lose sixty seconds of light. I would walk when others hold back, I would wake when others sleep. I would listen when others talk, and how I would enjoy a good chocolate ice cream!

If God were to give me a piece of life, I would dress simply, throw myself face first into the sun, baring not only my body but also my soul. My God, if I had a heart, I would write my hate on ice, and wait for the sun to show. Over the stars I would paint with a Van Gogh dream a Benedetti poem, and a Serrat song would be the serenade I'd offer to the moon.

With my tears I would water roses, to feel the pain of their thorns, and the red kiss of their petals...My God, if I had a piece of life...I wouldn't let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them. I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites, and I would live in love with love.

I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old, not knowing that they grow old when they cease to be in love!

To a child I shall give wings, but I shall let him learn to fly on his own. I would teach the old that death does not come with old age, but with forgetting. So much have I learned from you, oh men...I have learned that everyone wants to live on the peak of the mountain, without knowing that real happiness is in how it is scaled.

I have learned that when a newborn child squeezes for the first time with his tiny fist his father's finger, he has him trapped forever. I have learned that a man has the right to look down on another only when he has to help the other get to his feet.

From you I have learned so many things, but in truth they won't be of much use, for when I keep them within this suitcase, unhappily shall I be dying.

-

I am sad.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Review: The Getaway Plan U18

People walking through Russell Street on Friday afternoon were wondering why the hell so many different teenagers were lined up around several corners, throwing Starburst at each other, drinking Coke, yelling, laughing, or simply sitting on the concrete. The reason? The Getaway Plan were back in town.

Cheerleader, the first support act, were vaguely energetic and politely received. Despite that, they seemed to lack enthusiasm and only were able to summon a cordial response from the audience. The next band, Built on Secrets, were able to garner more of a reaction, with engaging performances from each member, particularly the drummer. However, the more well-known Stealing O’Neal eclipsed both the previous acts, stealing the show with a healthy mixture of old favourites, entirely new tracks and banter, performed with a riotous exuberance and the confident declaration that this was their best performance ever. In between acts, speakers reminded the audience of the show’s cause: to raise awareness about depression, addiction, self harm and suicide.

After Stealing O’Neal, the curtains went down, and Billboard the Venue buzzed with an almost overwhelming nervous excitement from hundreds of teens desperate for a hit of The Getaway Plan. The rising curtains heralded frenzied cheers from the crowd, and the resulting band appeared much the same, except for a haircut and smart black coat for vocalist, Matt Wright. They performed admirably considering their year-long absence, blazing through their set with songs from their last album, Other Voices, Other Rooms, including Sleep Spindles, Shadows, Red Flag and of course, ending with the ever-popular Where The City Meets The Sea.
There was some disappointment at their decision to include only one song from pre-Other Voices times. Nevertheless, The New Year added to the showcase of Matt Wright’s impressive vocal range, ranging from screaming to singing to whispering.

The encore song, Rhapsody on a Windy Night, was preluded by the haunting Entr’acte, similar to the album version. Any lingering thoughts that The Getaway Plan weren’t fully back were forgotten as Matt leapt from the stage into the crowd complete with microphone, sparking a crazy few minutes with some doubt as to whether the singer would emerge again. He did, and The Getaway Plan went out with a bang.

Are they really back? The clock is counting down...



So that was my review of the show. Also, I EFFING LOVE THE GETAWAY PLAN TO DEATH. In other news, my goal in life is to become a rockstar. 

Monday, September 20, 2010

Contemplating starting a second blog.

Because well, I have a feeling personal blogs are meant to be for, well, personal stuff. But, having watched the first two seasons of Buffy (again) in two days, I'm feeling all...Whedon-y. And I'm going to picspam the hell out of general people.

Also, I love Joss Whedon. So much that I've decided to call my future kid Joseph, just so I can nickname him Joss. Haha. Jokes. Probably.

So yes, new blog, old blog, yes, no. Hmmmm.

Also, I'm feeling not too bad today. Must have something to do with not actually having been in direct sunlight all day. Go me.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Insanity.

For a long time, our school has had three houses. Mather, Warrell and Bruce. Blue, yellow and red. Everything has been simple. Warrell are ultra competitive, Bruce are very close and have fun, and Mather just sort of get along.

There has always been talk of a fourth house, but to be honest, I don't think any of us ever expected it to happen while we were at school. Well it happened. Next year there's going to be a new house, and the only thing that has been decided is its name, and the teacher who is going to head it.

Today they chose the students that will lead it. Because nothing has been decided, they'll be helping to decide on colours, emblem, motto, pretty much everything. I got chosen to be a vice-captain.

At first I was incredibly excited. And happy. And so proud to be able to be part of the first leadership group for this new house, that we'll get to shape and build.

Then I heard everyone's opinion on the matter. Most of the students are not happy. They're not happy they didn't get to choose these captains, not happy that they weren't consulted, not happy that the four students all were part of the Simunye Experience (a charity trip to South Africa), not happy that it was the principal and vice-principal that chose us, not happy.

And it makes me think, maybe I'm not good enough. Not adequate, and not popular, not someone they would want to be a leader, not pretty enough, not sporty enough, not enough of a leader. Maybe I would've been their last choice. Maybe.

I'm not even blaming them. I know when I tell them I feel like shit about it, they think I'm attacking them. I'm not. I genuinely feel awful, and like complete crap, and so inadequate. They have no idea.

It's enough to make me want to resign from the position. I honestly thought about it, for a split second. But, I won't. Because I wanted it so badly. And I'm not going to lie down and give up. As easy as it would be. The only thing I can really do is just keep going.

And hope things get better.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm kinda disappointed.

Mostly with myself.

I'm disappointed with my lack of drama-ness and ability to speak coherently that makes people likeable. I'm disappointed in my lack of control. I'm disappointed in my inability to concentrate on anything. I'm disappointed in my obvious lack of appeal which has led to no one calling me up for a Christmas job. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel very inadequate. What brought this on? Mostly the announcement of the school captains today.

I made out that I didn't really care all that much, until they were actually announced. And then I realised how much I needed this to feel valued. It sort of feels like no one gives a crap about the last five years of my life, because hey, it's about exposure, and who is known by the most people. The captains are my friends, and I'm happy for them, but then I also resent them, which makes me feel like a terrible person. And then I feel that I've done so much more, and then I feel guilty for thinking it.

And I know for the rest of my school life, I am going to be trying to prove myself. It's completely irrational. But it's what I'll be doing.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Joss Whedon is a god.

I'm honest.


Why is he a god? Because he is one of the most amazing writers/directors ever. Okay, whatever, Quentin Tarantino, Stanley Kubrick, Christopher Nolan, I know, I know.

But okay guys. Joss Whedon not only created, wrote and directed Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly and Dollhouse. He also helped create/write/direct/produce Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, which is, well, 100% quotable, directed an episode of Glee, and co-wrote Toy Story. Oh yeah, and he's co-writing/directing the Avengers. Yeah. He's awesome, okay?

And I was thinking about it (after I a status on Facebook and everyone joined in the quote-fest), and someone said that it was great how when someone posted a Whedon quote, all the Whedon fans joined in. And yeah, that's why Joss Whedon kicks ass.

Because his characters and stories transcend you know, gender, age, genre preference, and whatever-the-hell-else. He makes up cool words (shiny, guys, just shiny), believable people, and believable not-people.

And also, just because come on. He's awesome.

Now...I'm going to watch Buffy again. Because I haven't watched an episode since this morning.



Or maybe I'll watch Dr. Horrible again. Who knows.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I know you're just a rag doll now, sewn together with memories that we might have had.


I know you're just the dream inside of a dream


And don't worry, I know I don't know you, anymore.


From here

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Do I just not have a sense of humour?

Because I get irrationally angry when I see/hear/read people making fun of transvestites, transgendered people, gay people, or most minorities. I know it's meant to be a joke, but it just really pisses me off that people use 'gay' or 'transvestite' as a slur, like it's a huge, awful thing, and I hate it.

I know that these people don't mean any harm (at least, I don't think they do). It just makes me mad.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Happyness.

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"
-Christopher, The Pursuit of Happyness

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein.

The beach

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Good stuff and bad stuff and other stuff.

Well, I have these stupid braces and elastics that I always need to wear. On the bad side, my teeth are a pain - I tried to eat some Special K today. I ate about three pieces before I gave up, due to my teeth yelling at me. On the good side, it means I'm not constantly snacking.

Good side, I've had some pretty great conversations with two or three really great people lately. On the downside, I've been asked to be someone's backup girlfriend. Which makes me think that I'm not going to ever be a real girlfriend. Real comforting.

We also got our school photos (terrible), one of my friends got expelled (awful, horrible, angering, and many more unpleasant emotions), we're watching Clueless in Lit (totally DOPE), I'm thinking about getting a new phone (vaguely exciting), tomorrow is the audition for the Christmas Choir at Crown, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the holidays.

I'm trying to write a 'fanfiction' for Pride and Prejudice, which is irritating because I don't think I can write something linked to Pride and Prejudice that is short. Because Pride and Prejudice is a ridiculously long and very idealistic book. So I can't make the Darcys have marital problems, or affairs, or anything, because Jane Austen FINISHES THE BOOK by saying blah blah, they're happy forever. Dammit.

And oh yeah, I won first prize. Hello $300 and reaffirmation of my potential in the field of writing.

This was an incredibly boring post. I apologise.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Running

Do you ever feel like you're running very fast? Running away from something but you're not sure what, and towards something, but you don't know what that is either? And you don't know what it is, but you have the feeling that when you reach it, everything will be okay and you'll be someone different? Or someone more, or someone less, or someone. And you're running out of time, so you run faster. And then there's a cliff coming up and you're running too fast to avoid it. So you fall.

 Insert indie photograph here.


"Sometimes I feel so - I don't know - lonely. The kind of helplessness feeling when everything you're used to has been ripped away. Like there's no more gravity, and I'm left to drift in outer space with no idea where I'm going."
- Sputnik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

We could be.

We don't have to be an epic symphony or you know, a never-ending story. We could just be a world of emotion squeezed into a four minute rock song. A short and sweet summer hit, or I don't know, just the tuning of the orchestra.

We don't have to be perfect. Not really.

Then again, I don't think we're ever going to be a we. It's not like a fairytale or something.



Typhoon in HK

I don't really know what I'm doing anymore, to be honest. I don't know who I am, or who I'm going to be, but I always have the feeling that I'd be better somewhere else.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I like your solo.

And well, this is starting to feel like a diary or journal more than a blog. I'm thinking of taking some high-contrast, over-exposed, photographs of ordinary objects or landscapes, and then Photoshopping the life out of them, and then post them and call them art. Maybe that'll prove how individual I am. Great.

We watched Pride and Prejudice in Lit today. The Keira Knightley version. She is possibly the most gorgeous female being to walk the earth as of late. And I actually loved the movie, despite it being completely, perfectly, incandescently...a huge, huge chick flick. I would ramble more about it, but seeing as we've been studying the book, my ramble would be really, really boring. So. I liked the ranga because he was all awkward and goofy and a bit of a doofus, but in a cute way. And Keira and the girl that played Jane were both gorgeous. And I liked the candlelight and the rain, and the mist and the tension.

And now I have to do some homework, because I'm in my free. Blah.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Absolutely incapable of focus.

I have flickered between about 15 different movies and TV shows today, unable to settle on just one. I've been refreshing Facebook constantly, checking MSN even though it keeps disconnecting, trying to load Youtube videos, listening to different bands, singing, playing guitar, playing Guitar Hero, rewallpapering my room with posters, doing English homework, Accounting homework, texting, running, eating, reading newspapers, reading Chuck Palahniuk, reading blog entries, fidgeting, taking photos, and just...thinking. Overthinking.

It's exhausting.

And stuff.

I really loved Scott Pilgrim. It was laugh-out-loud-worthy, which the audience did, a lot, and you sort of get immersed. Especially because it's so jumpy, and I did read some sort of review that mentioned it was good for our ADD generation, and older people might dislike it because of that. Ton of video game references which are funny if you get them, but quite funny regardless.

I got sort of sick of people munching and opening Cokes, or whatever they were doing. Michael Cera was a dick some of the time, but hey, that's life, right? I wish I could have comic book visuals when I play guitar. That would be pretty rad. There were good

I sort of didn't like how my life sort of corresponds to Knives, just a bit. Like, older guy breaking up with school girl with some line like, "You're too young for me," or it might have been "I'm too old for you." Regardless, it made me uncomfortable. And it made me never want to commit to a relationship again, because she was sort of portrayed in a hapless, obsessive way, and he so obviously wasn't into it. So like. There goes my trust (again). Great.

The actual going to a cinema to watch a movie with someone who is not H, or coupled, was good. I don't know. Argh. And I can't. Yeah. Uhmm.  It was awkward, a little. I'm not good at using words. I can write them down or type them. They just don't like coming out of my mouth.

Also, we've somehow managed to use 120GB of data in 28 days. So my internet is pretty much non-existent for the next three days. God help me.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Pretty in pink.

By God, I love 80's movies. I love the Brat Pack. I love Ally Sheedy and Andrew McCarthy and ancient looking computers and ridiculous innocence and dancing. And stereotypical nerds and young love and sunglasses and flowery things and nice hats.


Cinecultist.com

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

So like.

I noticed I start sentences with 'so' a lot. Oops. But. Good news: I won something. Bad news: I'm not sure what it is yet. Something to do with my story. Hmm. What else. I'm planning on taking my cousin out to the city on Friday, her last night in Melbourne. The next morning (at something like 5am?) she'll be leaving to get on a plane back to China.

The problem is, I'm not sure where to take her. I'm pretty sure she should visit Chinatown ^^ Because y'know, she's Chinese and all. Okay, it's not that funny. Whatever. I have a feeling the Tim Burton exhibition will be largely meaningless to her.

Also, I'm watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World on Saturday! I'm watching with this serendipitous guy. I have a feeling that's not the way you use serendipitous. Oh well. I have to use a five syllable to make myself sound smarter. Mission failure! I actually love Michael Cera, like, a lot. He's super cute. My top three Michael Cera movies:
  • Paper Heart
  • Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
  • Juno
 So, I was typing the word 'blogging', and I accidentally typed 'bogging'. Haha.

Finally! Does anyone have any ideas for a climate change ad for this competition I'm thinking of entering? sharona out.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

'There's a wonderful Xhosa/Zulu word down here, "Ubuntu" which means (my personal favourite translation):

"I am because you are."'

 From here.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

sharona [feels things too much]

TO BUY:
  • More pencil lead.
  • Bread.

TO DO:
  • Be healthier and fitter
  • Get singing lessons
  • Be in musical/s
  • Become awesome at stuff
  • Do homework.
 Also, I would like to live in a musical please.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Warning: Another whiny post.

So. You know what really sucks. BEING ASIAN. I'm not being racist or anything. I know heritage, pride, etc etc.

But the fact of the matter is, most musicals are written for white people. There are a few that are Asian-specific (Miss Saigon, The King and I, etc), but on the whole, European/American/WHITE.

All the musicals I think about and dream about and want with all my heart to be a part of. Les Mis - French. Next to Normal - American. Rent - Spanish girl, black girl, black guy, no Asian. Chess - American/Russian. Spring Awakening - German.

I am so effing sick of this.

What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

I love Romeo and Juliet to death (haha, I'm so funny) and especially the adaption with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. But while Shakespeare's point is valid, I do think names play a big part in the world.

There's a big difference between calling someone 'Charlie' and calling someone 'Charles'. The first one immediately sounds more casual and friendly. People instantly form their impressions based on names. For example, when I think of a name like...Gerard, I imagine someone sort of dark-ish and mysterious. Which is why vampires usually have cool names such as Angel and Drusilla and etc.

There has been a big push for more original names, hence celebrity kids being called 'Apple', 'Moon Unit', 'Kal-El Coppola' (Kudos for the Superman reference), and...'Princess Tiaamii'.

I recently hosted a kiddy party where I work, and I swear the only normal name there was Cynthia. Every one of the kids had one of those 'unique' names. Which is awesome, but there is a fine line between 'unique' and 'pretentious and lame'.

This ramble was mostly just to explain my blog's name - 'girl anachronism'. Firstly, it's a song by the Dresden Dolls. They're pretty amazing.

An anachronism is an error in chronology, especially putting something (object, person, idea, custom, technology, whatever) in the wrong time period. So this song is basically wishing that she'd been born in a different time, and that she's always out of place. Which I (and most people probably) can relate to.

Also, I really dislike Macbeth. Just putting it out there.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Completely addicted...

To music. Odd, isn't it?

I've been noticing it more lately. Like...I have to have my iPod speakers playing while I'm in the shower or brushing my teeth. And I listen to them when I sleep. And then on my Macbook when I wake up. Recently I had a mini spaz when I had to go from the car's music to my room to listen to music again. It was so weird.

Last night I listening to musicals, and I was convinced that musical theatre was my calling, and if I didn't sing on stage in a musical, I would die unhappy and unfulfilled.

Today I'm listening to Eminem and I have come to the conclusion that I just need music. Need it, sort of the same way I need oxygen or water.

Mini-tangent: I actually really like Eminem. I first got into him in Grade 5, and I'm pretty sure I had a huge crush on him. And I've decided that the reason Eminem is so much more awesome than other rappers is that he's a minority for one. A minority in his field, but not in you know, life. Or America. Or...whatever. It's sort of like...there is no shortage of Asians. But look at musical theatre and they are definitely a minority. That's sort of what I mean.

And I still like him. Because he's not like 'CHICKS. MONEY. RIDES. CHICKS. BOOBS. SEX. SEX. SEX.' At least, not all the time like other rappers. I like the way he rhymes.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that, I don't think I could handle any sort of future that doesn't involve music. I was thinking about music industry, like managing, but I don't know if I could be that close to so much yet not have it.

And so ends another post about what to do. Time for some Buffy.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I'm going slightly mad.

I just spent literally, 15 minutes creating a blood graphic and then another 20 minutes picking out the perfect font for my keynote for school. About Macbeth. I really dislike Macbeth. Why am I doing this? I don't know.

I would like to talk to someone, but don't want to interrupt anyone. I feel sort of...sick, at heart. I don't know why and it's unsettling. Maybe because I was looking through this book of Pulitzer Prize-winning photographs. And there were so many of death, and bad things, all because of people. Human beings' fault. You sort of wonder, will we ever learn?


Nick Ut/The Associated Press



Same earth. Same...
Yes? No? Existential angst? Yesnomaybe?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Taaaaake on me...



I think if I had to choose my three favourite music videos ever...they would have to be:
  1. a-ha - Take On Me
  2. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing
  3. Death Cab For Cutie - A Movie Script Ending
Now I think about it, these three have a few things in common. They're all love stories in different ways and they all use some form of animation (rotoscoping, chalk drawn and stop motion photos, respectively). And they're all amazing. I just discovered the music video for Take On Me, which is why I want to rave about it. And now I've gotten to the part where I can babble on about how amazing it is, I can't think of what to say...

I just really like the concept. I'm sure everyone has fictional characters, from movies or books or the like, that they wish were real. (This song is totally not on repeat right now, I swear.) I...get so invested in characters onscreen, or in a book or graphic novel, and DAMMIT, I WANT SOME HOT NORWEGIAN GUY TO BREAK HIS WAY OUT OF A COMIC BOOK TO BE WITH ME KTHANKS.

Yes, the band is from Norway. That's what happens when I get obsessed, I look things up. They used rotoscoping, which is when they film the real life actors and then they project it somewhere and trace it all sketchy like. But that's olden day rotoscoping, and they used computers. Now I really want that for my media project. Never mind that it'll probably take months and months. Rawr.

Also, the singer has a range of at least two and a half octaves! That's actually quite incredible.

Completely unrelated, I'm pretty much up to date with my homework. Isn't it amazing? I don't even feel like myself! (A good thing, probably.)

Buffy is making me sad. SPOILER ALERT. Tara died. And Willow went all dark and 'bored now!' and flayed a guy alive. The guy was effed up anyway. He killed his girlfriend and Tara and almost killed Buffy and he was a traitor and loser. But I'm two episodes from finishing Season 6. I'm pretty sure I downloaded/watched the whole season in less than a week. But I keep accidentally reading spoilers, rawr.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Ticket fiasco.

I can finally be bothered blogging about this incident. Which I am still pissed off about, by the way. Bee tee dubs. Haha. Chatspeak is a funny thing.

So I had this Florence ticket and I couldn't go to the concert. The day before, I found a girl who said she really wanted it. Let's call her...bad-word. Or A, for convenience. She said she really wanted to go, which I knew was only true to a degree, because I'd sort of noticed she didn't know anything much about Florence. But hey, I was finally getting the ticket to someone else.

Few hours after that, an awesome person known as KB told me that she wanted the ticket. And it was her birthday, and I love her, and she really wanted to see a girl that was going. But I'd already promised A, who wasn't a particular friend, but I didn't think it was right to go back on a deal.

But I asked A anyway, are you sure you really want to go? It's just someone else really wants it too. And she replied that she'd organised everything and she really, REALLY wanted to go. She'd have the money on Friday! Fair enough.

She didn't go. And she Facebook messaged me shit, but the long and short of it:

rawr1
rawr2


Eff her.

Also, I am not feeling like a special little snowflake. I feel like crap, actually. And so here's a Chuck Palahniuk quote:

"We are the middle children of history, raised by television to believe that someday we'll be millionaires and movie stars and rock stars, but we won't. And we're just learning this fact. So don't fuck with us."


I would add an appropriately depressing photo, but I really can't be bothered finding one.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Confusion.

Bye Bye Birdie was amazing. I got really attached to it, and the closing night was probably the best performance yet. I took lots of photos. I made a pretty cake that was rainbow, but I didn't take any photos of the insides because I figured it seemed sort of egotistical. Haha.

I had a confusing conversation about liking or not liking a friend who doesn't but used to but has a girlfriend but didn't used to and. It was confusing.

Finally, this has been a most unproductive day. I have been watching Buffy gradually falling in love?! with Spike, and I'm happy with it. Except I'm tired of watching love I'd like it to happen to me. Please and thank you?

I still can't be bothered typing about the ticket fiasco .__.

Friday, August 6, 2010

SO ASIAN.

This story I entered in the Monash short story comp...


The Beginning

“Lucky indeed,” my mother thinks proudly as she gazes around the room. The paint on the walls is peeling, and the TV is staticky. The carpet is threadbare and the chairs are mismatched. The crowded room is overly warm because there is no air conditioner, only a plastic fan that erratically spins cooled air from side to side. But that doesn’t matter. Sitting in the fridge is a large, gaudily-decorated birthday cake. A wondrous thing, purchased just that morning from an Asian bakery in Springvale. In the adjacent cupboard is a wax ‘1’ waiting to be impaled in the brightly coloured icing. A massive array of food, mostly stirfry, gently steams in the mismatched dishes sitting on the wooden table with peeling veneer.



What a difference from China, where birthdays were celebrated arbitrarily, if they were celebrated at all, and where a birthday feast was an egg boiled with some noodles. My parents didn’t even have birth certificates until they migrated to Australia, and they simply made up their dates of birth because no one had bothered to properly record it - my father’s birth certificate reads two years older than he actually is.



Right now one-year-old me is crawling around on the floor, seemingly oblivious to the mass of people chattering - which one is she going to pick? Surrounding me is a circle of objects - money, pens, a calculator, cards, and various other symbolic items. This is traditional on a baby’s first birthday - the item they choose shows what the baby is going to grow up to be. Personally, my mother hopes I will choose the money. That means I’m going to be very rich. It doesn’t really matter, as long as I don’t pick the cards and become a destitute gambler, she thinks. But of course I won’t. Because I’m growing up in the Lucky Country.



The friends cheer as little me grasps the pen with both hands, and I look up with wide baby eyes. One of my parents’ friends, Edwin, the one who is forever wielding a camera, takes a shot, and this photo of a plump one-year-old wielding a pen ends up in a flowery, pink photo album which was purchased at a stocktake sale at Target.



“Just like her father!” they cry, congratulating my parents on their little daughter. The feast soon begins, getting rowdier and rowdier the more alcohol is consumed. The assortment of guests range from George, the elderly white next-door neighbour whom I adore, to my mother’s best friend who has a daughter just a few months younger. Little me watches the proceedings solemnly. My mother does the customary hostess’ job of piling copious amounts of food onto everyone’s plates but her own, despite the various loud but futile protests.



She thinks again how lucky her child is, beaming at the raucous crowd assembled in her small living room. The pen means that I will be an academic child. At the ripe old age of one, my future is set out. A scholar, because I chose a pen. A good girl, because I almost never cry. Prosperous, because my Chinese name means ‘little stream running through the forest’, and also beautiful, because my English name is the same as one of the most beautiful actresses of the time, or so my father thinks.



I will be perfect. My mother cannot conceive of me being a rebellious teenager, because she never remembers being one. She cannot imagine her daughter as an artist, a musician, an author. In her hometown, if you didn’t work, didn’t try, didn’t study, you were stuck there, among overworked fields, dirty snow. She was the one who went to a school for the gifted, went to university in Beijing, and flew to a distant land named Australia which had just opened its doors to new immigrants. Australia, where the grass was green and the toilets weren’t holes in the ground.



So she simply smiles, content in the knowledge that I will grow up in the Lucky Country.

People are effing stupid.

Since when did socialist become such a bad thing? People are getting more and more selfish. Hillary Clinton was amazing and American corporations are effing idiots. And I'm watching Sicko in media class, obviously.

AND I GOT TICKETS FOR THE GETAWAY PLAN. EFF YEAH.

I really suck.

I messed up pretty much everything yesterday in the show. The actors/dancers/singers were awesome, I just sucked.

There's this ticket issue which I cannot be bothered going through at the moment.

And you should really read this, because it's rather beautiful.

Here's a poem from e. e. cummings. Original formatting.



nearer:breath of my breath:take not thy tingling
limbs from me:make my pain their crazy meal
letting thy tigers of smooth sweetness steal
slowly in dumb blossoms of new mingling:
deeper:blood of my blood:with upwardcringing
swiftness plunge these leopards of white dream
in the glad flesh of my fear:more neatly ream
this pith of darkness:carve an evilfringing
flower of madness on gritted lips
and on sprawled eyes squriming with light insane
chisel the killing flame that dizzily grips.

Querying greys between mouthed houses curl

thirstily. Dead stars stink. dawn. Inane,

the poetic carcass of a girl

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

List of things I am pissed off about.

1. Only getting an A.
2. Half-finished English essay due in less than 12 hours.
3. Inability to focus
4. My general lack of appeal.
5. Being forced to quit.
6. Attractive and talented people.
7. Always being in the background.
8. Not being able to do something when people need it.
9. Not being able to win at anything.
10. Him not talking to me.
11. The Ex.
12. Myself.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

I hate spoilers.

So I'm almost at the end of Season 5 of Buffy. I'm also on tumblr (same url) and I'm following a whole lot of Whedon groups. And I keep getting spoilers that I wish I could un-read. So here are the top three worst spoilers I have ever gotten. (Don't read further if you don't want spoilers for House Season 5, X-Men 3 or the last few seasons of Buffy.

  1. Me and my friend were talking about Kal Penn, and he goes, 'yeah, the guy in House that dies, yeah?' And that spoilt the rest of season 5 for me.
  2. After watching X-Men 2 and being sad that Jean Grey died, I was then told, 'It's okay! She comes back in the next movie!'
  3. I READ THAT SPIKE GETS HIS SOUL BACK WTF.


Whoo, Angel and Buffy just kissed again after a whole season of not! I want an Angel >< In other news, I saw The Ex today. He gets caps because he's the only real ex I have an issue with. To be honest though, I don't think I regret it. Butterfly wings and all. One good thing came out of it at least, being the discovery of Amber Lamps, who are great.

But I walked into Dick Smith and there he was, helping some couple with a Mac. Fuckhimfuckhimfuckhim. I don't think he saw me. It was still bad.

Oh, yesterday there was a media screening, and it was quite, quite epic. I did the tech stuff for it and it was mad fun. I think it's because I'm pretty close to this year's Year 12 class. It's mostly because I always hang out in the media room and chill with them all the time.

My mum just gave me a good yelling-at because I'm a spoiled brat. Great times.

I'm going off into a little self-pitying tangent with the screen all blck so I can't see what I'm typing. Everything's dark and my eyes are closed. It's quite intense. Decided to not edit this at all. It'll be interesting. Like stream of consciousness stuff.

I am always doubting people around me. I know it's an awful thing to say, but it's true. I'm wondering if they actually want to talk to me, be my friend, hang out, be nice. I'm scared that I'm the weird kid that people pretend to like.

Then again, I am the weird kid. Not the weird kid as in, 'wow, I'm such a hipster. I dress differently and listen to music you've never heard of. Look, here's my posse who also all dress differently. Okay, they all look like they're the same, but it's because we are saaah indie.' I'm actually just...weird.

Like the fact that I get alll introverted and moody on camps. My friend complained to everyone that I was spoiling the mood for her. I understand that and I'm sorry, but I can't wave a magic wand and be happy for everyone's sake. And it's not like I displayed it, I went and sat in the tent until I could gain some modicum of not-angst-and-disappointingness.

I just don't know.

...

I'm getting my Accounting 3/4 midyear results on Monday. I've been freaking out just a tiny bit. If I get a bad mark, I'm probably going to throw myself off a building.

In other news, I'm now doing sound for the school musical, Bye Bye Birdie. Quite exciting. I'm actually not meant to be doing tech anymore, because my parents are evil. But there's a lot of mics and the girl who was going to do it was sort of freaked out by the whole responsibility idea of it. So TH asked me. Things have changed in the biobox.

Also, the Year 12 media screening was today, which was all kinds of amazing.

And I've decided that I'm making an animation for 'this modern love' by Bloc Party. Any thematic/storyline ideas? I've got...a forest.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

ZOMG

I WON A KASABIAN TOUR POSTER. LIFE IS AWESOME RIGHT AT THIS SECOND. HOORAY!

Ups and downs.

Today has been a day. We had photos and there was a big fuss about my studs and eventually I taped them. Ladidah.

So I was going to the debating photo. And I'm bad at debating. Not in that I can't debate, but in that I can't be punctual and regular and things like that. I don't show a lot is all. So there's meant to be a debate tonight, and I was going to go. We were talking about who was going to be what speaker and I volunteered to be third. Then this guy got pissed, saying I don't have any right to speak since I hardly ever show. Things along that line. And I got mad and walked off. Needless to say, I'm not in the photo, not that I really mind.

I'm not going to be all 'poor me', because everything's really my fault.

On the good side, I was asked to run sound for the school musical that's next week. I'm quite excited. There aren't many sound effects, only three. But there are 26 microphones, with I think up to 14? 18? running at one time, a bunch of mic changes, and I'm happy now (:

Happy and not happy, but mostly excited and swamped with homework.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I've been staring at the blank screen

and nothing's coming to me.

I feel...lackluster. Everything seems sort of dimmed at the moment. I've been sitting at the desk with my accounting books, but I feel oddly disconnected. I don't feel like being around people, but I don't know what I want.

It's disconcerting, and at the same time, it's just...not, because I don't have the energy to feel anything much.

Today I tried to do maths homework, invested myself in characters on a screen, didn't play sport, and hated ignorance. Right now I'm sitting and wishing, and also being sort of lonely.



(We did not break up. You walked away.)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I am well aware it's past 3am.

And I am well aware I post entirely too much.

But, I feel there are certain pertinent facts people should know:
1. Even unwitting comments can contribute towards peer pressure that makes life complicated.
2. Authority figures are really just struggling with the same problems as the rest of us. But they can afford to be hypocritical.
3. When you type while your head is lying sideways, it makes it look like you're typing really fast. Try it.
4. Make-up is annoying. It smells funny, costs a bit and is hard to know how to put on. Once it's on, you can't rub your eyes or face because you'll smudge something, and it's just entirely too much bother.
5. When you're too busy social-networking, you forget how to be lonely.
6. 'Broke-dance' is the past tense of 'break-dance'. For realz.
7. Lists are very calming.
8. I've figured out that all you really need to dance is confidence.
9. I sometimes don't know why I bother doing things.
10. People should give me their blogs so I can read/stalk their lives.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT.

So I was wishing Nick a happy birthday, which required a temporary breach of my no-Facebook, no-MSN rule. And on my News Feed, what should pop up, but: Revival of The Getaway Plan for Youth Depression. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! These are the times that Facebook actually is useful!

I love the Getaway Plan. I loved them before 'Where the City Meets the Sea', but I loved that too. There is no elitism intended there, honestly. I saw them play with My Chemical Romance before they broke up, and they were insanely good. Way better than Circa Survive. And they're reviving for TWLOHA! I've noticed that this organisation has gained sort of an indie/scene kid/something sort of rep. They're amazing, regardless.

HOW THE HELL CAN 1438 PEOPLE BE 'NOT ATTENDING'? They're probably not in Melbourne now I come to think of it. Anyway, !!!, is my thought for the day. I HAVE TO SEE THEM. THIS IS INCREDIBLE. IT'S LIKE LEARNING THAT SANTA CLAUS ACTUALLY DOES EXIST AFTER THE CRUSHING REVELATION THAT HE DIED IN AN UNFORTUNATE REINDEER COLLISION. INSERT FURTHER EXCLAMATIONS IN CAPS.

I am excited.

I am revived.

(I am off to work.)

Friday, July 23, 2010

=/

Why don't I get invited to parties? I thought we were friends, at least sort of, you know? And nothing. We used to hang out all the time, remember? Whine whine whine. Sob. Why don't you want me?

Oh. Right. That's why.

I would ramble a bit about vampires and lahdidah, but eh. HELLYEAH SPIKE. I need to ring my orthodontist, and then Freeza, and then ask around for some unsigned/signed/awesome bands for my doco. Humm.

My cousin's flying over today. And just for laughs, a photo I took when I was in Hong Kong a few years ago:


It's good they reminded me that I wasn't allowed to bring nuclear weapons. I always forget.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

SO I WAS JUST WATCHING BUFFY.

And I just thought Spike/Buffy is one of the greatest pairings ever.



I guess I'll write more about the fascination that is vampires and why they're everywhere these days, and this whole sex symbol thing they inspire. I won't bother wondering why the hell some of them sparkle.

Also, I wonder what it'd be like to be willing to die for something.

Selling one ticket. Got the love?

I have one ticket for Florence and the Machine. Which cost me $84.95. Or something. And I can't really go. And no one wants to buy just one ticket. Eff. Eff it. AAAAAARGHHHH. Is selling tickets on eBay illegal? It's not even scalping, it's just that I need to get rid of it.

On a different note, I feel extremely sick. In the stomach department. I hate you, dairy. You're evil and I will never eat you again. -Rude gesture-

Also, I sort of miss you, which is bad. Bad bad bad. Because I shouldn't be. Missing you, that is. At the same time, I never want to see your face again. (But I do.) And right now I'm listening to the Smiths, and they're shiny. (Thankyou, Joss Whedon.)

I think 'brightside' should be one word. Brightside. Brightside. On the brightside. It's pretty.

Colour my life with the chaos of trouble.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Holy crap!

Why am I doing Methods homework? I don't have Methods tomorrow! -Cue sitcom whooping-

And so to further procrastinate:



Or Shutters Save Photography. <3

Also, I am planning to do a documentary about the music scene in Australia for media. It shall be epic.

girl anachronism.

there i go again
pretending that i'll fall
don't call the doctors
cause they've seen it all before
they'll say just
let
her
crash
and
burn
she'll learn
the attention just encourages her

I love amanda fucking palmer.

Also, I've been feeling really bad for a bunch of my friends. There's this whole crazy thing at school going on...alright. I was totally going to chuck in a 'read more, after the jump!'. But obviously Blogspot doesn't feel like being intuitive and simple like Livejournal or Tumblr. Fine.

The gist of it is, kids at my school sign a contract saying they won't drink, won't smoke, won't do drugs. All technically illegal for under 18s, not that it stops a lot of people.

I've got a feeling the school turns a blind eye to a lot of the stuff that goes on, but in the holidays there was a gathering that involved alcohol, smoking, and apparently drugs. Maybe not out of the ordinary really, but then someone posted photos of this happy event. Back to school, on the Thursday I think, the crazy began.

The Vice-Principal and the Principal got involved, there was this crazy shitstorm, and it ended in community service for some, 3 day suspensions, 7 day suspensions, and quite possibly means a bunch of them won't be leaders next year. There was also a drama excursion today, which means there'll probably be a whole lot of punishments tomorrow as well.

I'll admit I was all uppity at not being invited. But yeah. In light of what has happened, I'm glad I wasn't there.


Also, I ate like, five peanut-butter sandwiches today. I am addicted. Save me.
And again, OHWOW. I HAVE PLURAL FOLLOWERS. 2. Heh.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Change of plans.

I was totally going to write a cheerful, if slightly aggressive post about nothing in particular (something in particular), because I think the no-social-networking thing is really getting to me. Screw it.



Everything's bullshit. I'm so sick of everyone faking nice and being polite and the beautiful people, although it's not their fault they're beautiful, and this singer is melting my brain because she's fucking amazing and so melancholy and I love that word so much, and something just happened and it put me in a slightly manic (in a bad way) mood.

I hate people that leave for no reason, I hate people who break up by text, and I hate people who are shallow and who think they're so goddamn superior. I hate it when the one thing I want is never going to happen, and I hate it when I realise I am a huge hypocrite and I am the root of all my problems.

I used to be sort of little, a couple of years back. Every time I stood up too fast, my blood pressure went insane and I got dizzy. Whenever I ate more than some arbitrary amount for the day, I would run to the gym, plug in my earphones, and runrunrun. And numbers all the time. Everyone says, "you're too skinny, it's not good for you." But you know, deep inside, they're just jealous. A compliment in the form of a lecture. Society is fucked. Or maybe it's just me.

Do you ever find yourself not caring if something is hurting you or not, as long as it makes you more appealing in the eyes of others?

If you're looking for me, I'm floating in a puddle of angst and self-pity and inarticulate-ness somewhere. Still sitting here, wishing you wanted me.

When?


By me.

So I was reading a post from this guy's blog, and okay, I don't actually know him very well at all, except he's an incredible singer and Jonathan is mega jealous of his ability as a natural tenor to slide straight into falsetto. Anyway, while I can't answer the flannelet conundrum, I started thinking about when life got serious. This isn't done with quite as much humour or eloquence or diorama drama as he has, but I tried.

The best I can figure is, life gets serious when you realise that what you see is not always what you get. When you realise blurry crayon drawings don't remotely resemble real life, and people have agendas, and a sandpit is not a suitable place for an ant farm. Life gets serious when someone is mean to you for no particular reason, and when you do things you hate because you have to do them, and when you realise you might not ever be a rock star or fairy princess or red balloon. Life gets serious when you realise that just because a necklace looks shiny, it isn't necessarily made of gold or silver or anything of value, when you think too much, when you first wish you could be someone else, and when you understand wishes don't always come true. And life gets serious when you start blogging about the seriousness about it all.

But in all seriousness, my life is looking pretty serious at the moment. Parents are scared I'm going to screw up my entire schooling career by dropping methods and picking up media (which I will do) and I've boycotted Facebook and MSN, and my playlist consists of Regina Spektor, The Scene Aesthetic, Stars, Death Cab For Cutie and also Paramore. How melancholy. (I already said 'serious' seven times.)

Monday, July 19, 2010

a movie script ending.

So I've been researching music videos in (extremely early) preparation for my media piece next year. I wanted it to be in stop motion as well as real time, which is when I remembered this video:



It's a stop motion that is really amazing, because it tells you the story of a couple in less than five minutes. And in that short amount of time, you manage to connect with the two of them in such a strong way that at the end, you could almost cry (or maybe that was just me).

For me, this video is an inspiration - I really want my video to have some sort of impact on the audience. I don't think I'm going to shoot the whole video in stop motion, it'll probably just be the choruses or maybe just the verses, or something...

I've mostly figured out the story. To summarise, it's about a boy who is dying. Or maybe in love. What's the difference, really?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

honeymoon period.

This is the honeymoon period for me and blogspot. It's new and interesting, and limitless opportunities for being pretentious and angsty await. But soon, when the new-ness wears off, I'll be reduced to occasional entries while whining, "Why don't you love me anymore? It's that new blogger isn't it?!" But for the while, I will enjoy its presence.

On another note, I just entered a short story competition that I won last year. Wish me luck.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

social networking sucks. ohai.

So my mother came in and told me, you know your white bow? Yes, what about it? You shouldn't wear it so much. Why? Well, you know we're Chinese... Oh.

Yeah, white is associated with death in Chinese culture. What is odd is that it's associated with purity and innocence in Western society.

Anyway, the conversation continued: Chinese people don't like it. Well that's all cool, I won't wear it in China. No...not just China, to Chinese people's homes. Oh. Alright.


I've decided that social networking sucks. More on that some other time. I wonder how much bandwidth I will be able to use being an angsty, culture-confused teen. Oh the joys.