Insanity.

For a long time, our school has had three houses. Mather, Warrell and Bruce. Blue, yellow and red. Everything has been simple. Warrell are ultra competitive, Bruce are very close and have fun, and Mather just sort of get along.

There has always been talk of a fourth house, but to be honest, I don't think any of us ever expected it to happen while we were at school. Well it happened. Next year there's going to be a new house, and the only thing that has been decided is its name, and the teacher who is going to head it.

Today they chose the students that will lead it. Because nothing has been decided, they'll be helping to decide on colours, emblem, motto, pretty much everything. I got chosen to be a vice-captain.

At first I was incredibly excited. And happy. And so proud to be able to be part of the first leadership group for this new house, that we'll get to shape and build.

Then I heard everyone's opinion on the matter. Most of the students are not happy. They're not happy they didn't get to choose these captains, not happy that they weren't consulted, not happy that the four students all were part of the Simunye Experience (a charity trip to South Africa), not happy that it was the principal and vice-principal that chose us, not happy.

And it makes me think, maybe I'm not good enough. Not adequate, and not popular, not someone they would want to be a leader, not pretty enough, not sporty enough, not enough of a leader. Maybe I would've been their last choice. Maybe.

I'm not even blaming them. I know when I tell them I feel like shit about it, they think I'm attacking them. I'm not. I genuinely feel awful, and like complete crap, and so inadequate. They have no idea.

It's enough to make me want to resign from the position. I honestly thought about it, for a split second. But, I won't. Because I wanted it so badly. And I'm not going to lie down and give up. As easy as it would be. The only thing I can really do is just keep going.

And hope things get better.