I hate spoilers.

So I'm almost at the end of Season 5 of Buffy. I'm also on tumblr (same url) and I'm following a whole lot of Whedon groups. And I keep getting spoilers that I wish I could un-read. So here are the top three worst spoilers I have ever gotten. (Don't read further if you don't want spoilers for House Season 5, X-Men 3 or the last few seasons of Buffy.

1. Me and my friend were talking about Kal Penn, and he goes, 'yeah, the guy in House that dies, yeah?' And that spoilt the rest of season 5 for me.
2. After watching X-Men 2 and being sad that Jean Grey died, I was then told, 'It's okay! She comes back in the next movie!'
3. I READ THAT SPIKE GETS HIS SOUL BACK WTF.

Whoo, Angel and Buffy just kissed again after a whole season of not! I want an Angel >< In other news, I saw The Ex today. He gets caps because he's the only real ex I have an issue with. To be honest though, I don't think I regret it. Butterfly wings and all. One good thing came out of it at least, being the discovery of Amber Lamps, who are great.

But I walked into Dick Smith and there he was, helping some couple with a Mac. Fuckhimfuckhimfuckhim. I don't think he saw me. It was still bad.

Oh, yesterday there was a media screening, and it was quite, quite epic. I did the tech stuff for it and it was mad fun. I think it's because I'm pretty close to this year's Year 12 class. It's mostly because I always hang out in the media room and chill with them all the time.

My mum just gave me a good yelling-at because I'm a spoiled brat. Great times.

I'm going off into a little self-pitying tangent with the screen all blck so I can't see what I'm typing. Everything's dark and my eyes are closed. It's quite intense. Decided to not edit this at all. It'll be interesting. Like stream of consciousness stuff.

I am always doubting people around me. I know it's an awful thing to say, but it's true. I'm wondering if they actually want to talk to me, be my friend, hang out, be nice. I'm scared that I'm the weird kid that people pretend to like.

Then again, I am the weird kid. Not the weird kid as in, 'wow, I'm such a hipster. I dress differently and listen to music you've never heard of. Look, here's my posse who also all dress differently. Okay, they all look like they're the same, but it's because we are saaah indie.' I'm actually just...weird.

Like the fact that I get alll introverted and moody on camps. My friend complained to everyone that I was spoiling the mood for her. I understand that and I'm sorry, but I can't wave a magic wand and be happy for everyone's sake. And it's not like I displayed it, I went and sat in the tent until I could gain some modicum of not-angst-and-disappointingness.

I just don't know.

...

I'm getting my Accounting 3/4 midyear results on Monday. I've been freaking out just a tiny bit. If I get a bad mark, I'm probably going to throw myself off a building.

In other news, I'm now doing sound for the school musical, Bye Bye Birdie. Quite exciting. I'm actually not meant to be doing tech anymore, because my parents are evil. But there's a lot of mics and the girl who was going to do it was sort of freaked out by the whole responsibility idea of it. So TH asked me. Things have changed in the biobox.

Also, the Year 12 media screening was today, which was all kinds of amazing.

And I've decided that I'm making an animation for 'this modern love' by Bloc Party. Any thematic/storyline ideas? I've got...a forest.

ZOMG

I WON A KASABIAN TOUR POSTER. LIFE IS AWESOME RIGHT AT THIS SECOND. HOORAY!

Ups and downs.

Today has been a day. We had photos and there was a big fuss about my studs and eventually I taped them. Ladidah.

So I was going to the debating photo. And I'm bad at debating. Not in that I can't debate, but in that I can't be punctual and regular and things like that. I don't show a lot is all. So there's meant to be a debate tonight, and I was going to go. We were talking about who was going to be what speaker and I volunteered to be third. Then this guy got pissed, saying I don't have any right to speak since I hardly ever show. Things along that line. And I got mad and walked off. Needless to say, I'm not in the photo, not that I really mind.

I'm not going to be all 'poor me', because everything's really my fault.

On the good side, I was asked to run sound for the school musical that's next week. I'm quite excited. There aren't many sound effects, only three. But there are 26 microphones, with I think up to 14? 18? running at one time, a bunch of mic changes, and I'm happy now (:

Happy and not happy, but mostly excited and swamped with homework.

I've been staring at the blank screen

and nothing's coming to me.

I feel...lackluster. Everything seems sort of dimmed at the moment. I've been sitting at the desk with my accounting books, but I feel oddly disconnected. I don't feel like being around people, but I don't know what I want.

It's disconcerting, and at the same time, it's just...not, because I don't have the energy to feel anything much.

Today I tried to do maths homework, invested myself in characters on a screen, didn't play sport, and hated ignorance. Right now I'm sitting and wishing, and also being sort of lonely.



(We did not break up. You walked away.)

I am well aware it's past 3am.

And I am well aware I post entirely too much.

But, I feel there are certain pertinent facts people should know:
1. Even unwitting comments can contribute towards peer pressure that makes life complicated.
2. Authority figures are really just struggling with the same problems as the rest of us. But they can afford to be hypocritical.
3. When you type while your head is lying sideways, it makes it look like you're typing really fast. Try it.
4. Make-up is annoying. It smells funny, costs a bit and is hard to know how to put on. Once it's on, you can't rub your eyes or face because you'll smudge something, and it's just entirely too much bother.
5. When you're too busy social-networking, you forget how to be lonely.
6. 'Broke-dance' is the past tense of 'break-dance'. For realz.
7. Lists are very calming.
8. I've figured out that all you really need to dance is confidence.
9. I sometimes don't know why I bother doing things.
10. People should give me their blogs so I can read/stalk their lives.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT.

So I was wishing Nick a happy birthday, which required a temporary breach of my no-Facebook, no-MSN rule. And on my News Feed, what should pop up, but: Revival of The Getaway Plan for Youth Depression. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! These are the times that Facebook actually is useful!

I love the Getaway Plan. I loved them before 'Where the City Meets the Sea', but I loved that too. There is no elitism intended there, honestly. I saw them play with My Chemical Romance before they broke up, and they were insanely good. Way better than Circa Survive. And they're reviving for TWLOHA! I've noticed that this organisation has gained sort of an indie/scene kid/something sort of rep. They're amazing, regardless.

HOW THE HELL CAN 1438 PEOPLE BE 'NOT ATTENDING'? They're probably not in Melbourne now I come to think of it. Anyway, !!!, is my thought for the day. I HAVE TO SEE THEM. THIS IS INCREDIBLE. IT'S LIKE LEARNING THAT SANTA CLAUS ACTUALLY DOES EXIST AFTER THE CRUSHING REVELATION THAT HE DIED IN AN UNFORTUNATE REINDEER COLLISION. INSERT FURTHER EXCLAMATIONS IN CAPS.

I am excited.

I am revived.

(I am off to work.)

=/

Why don't I get invited to parties? I thought we were friends, at least sort of, you know? And nothing. We used to hang out all the time, remember? Whine whine whine. Sob. Why don't you want me?

Oh. Right. That's why.

I would ramble a bit about vampires and lahdidah, but eh. HELLYEAH SPIKE. I need to ring my orthodontist, and then Freeza, and then ask around for some unsigned/signed/awesome bands for my doco. Humm.

My cousin's flying over today. And just for laughs, a photo I took when I was in Hong Kong a few years ago:


It's good they reminded me that I wasn't allowed to bring nuclear weapons. I always forget.

SO I WAS JUST WATCHING BUFFY.

And I just thought Spike/Buffy is one of the greatest pairings ever.



I guess I'll write more about the fascination that is vampires and why they're everywhere these days, and this whole sex symbol thing they inspire. I won't bother wondering why the hell some of them sparkle.

Also, I wonder what it'd be like to be willing to die for something.

Selling one ticket. Got the love?

I have one ticket for Florence and the Machine. Which cost me $84.95. Or something. And I can't really go. And no one wants to buy just one ticket. Eff. Eff it. AAAAAARGHHHH. Is selling tickets on eBay illegal? It's not even scalping, it's just that I need to get rid of it.

On a different note, I feel extremely sick. In the stomach department. I hate you, dairy. You're evil and I will never eat you again. -Rude gesture-

Also, I sort of miss you, which is bad. Bad bad bad. Because I shouldn't be. Missing you, that is. At the same time, I never want to see your face again. (But I do.) And right now I'm listening to the Smiths, and they're shiny. (Thankyou, Joss Whedon.)

I think 'brightside' should be one word. Brightside. Brightside. On the brightside. It's pretty.

Colour my life with the chaos of trouble.

Holy crap!

Why am I doing Methods homework? I don't have Methods tomorrow! -Cue sitcom whooping-

And so to further procrastinate:



Or Shutters Save Photography. <3

Also, I am planning to do a documentary about the music scene in Australia for media. It shall be epic.

girl anachronism.

there i go again
pretending that i'll fall
don't call the doctors
cause they've seen it all before
they'll say just
let
her
crash
and
burn
she'll learn
the attention just encourages her

I love amanda fucking palmer.

Also, I've been feeling really bad for a bunch of my friends. There's this whole crazy thing at school going on...alright. I was totally going to chuck in a 'read more, after the jump!'. But obviously Blogspot doesn't feel like being intuitive and simple like Livejournal or Tumblr. Fine.

The gist of it is, kids at my school sign a contract saying they won't drink, won't smoke, won't do drugs. All technically illegal for under 18s, not that it stops a lot of people.

I've got a feeling the school turns a blind eye to a lot of the stuff that goes on, but in the holidays there was a gathering that involved alcohol, smoking, and apparently drugs. Maybe not out of the ordinary really, but then someone posted photos of this happy event. Back to school, on the Thursday I think, the crazy began.

The Vice-Principal and the Principal got involved, there was this crazy shitstorm, and it ended in community service for some, 3 day suspensions, 7 day suspensions, and quite possibly means a bunch of them won't be leaders next year. There was also a drama excursion today, which means there'll probably be a whole lot of punishments tomorrow as well.

I'll admit I was all uppity at not being invited. But yeah. In light of what has happened, I'm glad I wasn't there.


Also, I ate like, five peanut-butter sandwiches today. I am addicted. Save me.
And again, OHWOW. I HAVE PLURAL FOLLOWERS. 2. Heh.

Change of plans.

I was totally going to write a cheerful, if slightly aggressive post about nothing in particular (something in particular), because I think the no-social-networking thing is really getting to me. Screw it.



Everything's bullshit. I'm so sick of everyone faking nice and being polite and the beautiful people, although it's not their fault they're beautiful, and this singer is melting my brain because she's fucking amazing and so melancholy and I love that word so much, and something just happened and it put me in a slightly manic (in a bad way) mood.

I hate people that leave for no reason, I hate people who break up by text, and I hate people who are shallow and who think they're so goddamn superior. I hate it when the one thing I want is never going to happen, and I hate it when I realise I am a huge hypocrite and I am the root of all my problems.

I used to be sort of little, a couple of years back. Every time I stood up too fast, my blood pressure went insane and I got dizzy. Whenever I ate more than some arbitrary amount for the day, I would run to the gym, plug in my earphones, and runrunrun. And numbers all the time. Everyone says, "you're too skinny, it's not good for you." But you know, deep inside, they're just jealous. A compliment in the form of a lecture. Society is fucked. Or maybe it's just me.

Do you ever find yourself not caring if something is hurting you or not, as long as it makes you more appealing in the eyes of others?

If you're looking for me, I'm floating in a puddle of angst and self-pity and inarticulate-ness somewhere. Still sitting here, wishing you wanted me.

When?

By me.

So I was reading a post from this guy's blog, and okay, I don't actually know him very well at all, except he's an incredible singer and Jonathan is mega jealous of his ability as a natural tenor to slide straight into falsetto. Anyway, while I can't answer the flannelet conundrum, I started thinking about when life got serious. This isn't done with quite as much humour or eloquence or diorama drama as he has, but I tried.

The best I can figure is, life gets serious when you realise that what you see is not always what you get. When you realise blurry crayon drawings don't remotely resemble real life, and people have agendas, and a sandpit is not a suitable place for an ant farm. Life gets serious when someone is mean to you for no particular reason, and when you do things you hate because you have to do them, and when you realise you might not ever be a rock star or fairy princess or red balloon. Life gets serious when you realise that just because a necklace looks shiny, it isn't necessarily made of gold or silver or anything of value, when you think too much, when you first wish you could be someone else, and when you understand wishes don't always come true. And life gets serious when you start blogging about the seriousness about it all.

But in all seriousness, my life is looking pretty serious at the moment. Parents are scared I'm going to screw up my entire schooling career by dropping methods and picking up media (which I will do) and I've boycotted Facebook and MSN, and my playlist consists of Regina Spektor, The Scene Aesthetic, Stars, Death Cab For Cutie and also Paramore. How melancholy. (I already said 'serious' seven times.)

a movie script ending.

So I've been researching music videos in (extremely early) preparation for my media piece next year. I wanted it to be in stop motion as well as real time, which is when I remembered this video:



It's a stop motion that is really amazing, because it tells you the story of a couple in less than five minutes. And in that short amount of time, you manage to connect with the two of them in such a strong way that at the end, you could almost cry (or maybe that was just me).

For me, this video is an inspiration - I really want my video to have some sort of impact on the audience. I don't think I'm going to shoot the whole video in stop motion, it'll probably just be the choruses or maybe just the verses, or something...

I've mostly figured out the story. To summarise, it's about a boy who is dying. Or maybe in love. What's the difference, really?

honeymoon period.

This is the honeymoon period for me and blogspot. It's new and interesting, and limitless opportunities for being pretentious and angsty await. But soon, when the new-ness wears off, I'll be reduced to occasional entries while whining, "Why don't you love me anymore? It's that new blogger isn't it?!" But for the while, I will enjoy its presence.

On another note, I just entered a short story competition that I won last year. Wish me luck.

social networking sucks. ohai.

So my mother came in and told me, you know your white bow? Yes, what about it? You shouldn't wear it so much. Why? Well, you know we're Chinese... Oh.

Yeah, white is associated with death in Chinese culture. What is odd is that it's associated with purity and innocence in Western society.

Anyway, the conversation continued: Chinese people don't like it. Well that's all cool, I won't wear it in China. No...not just China, to Chinese people's homes. Oh. Alright.

I've decided that social networking sucks. More on that some other time. I wonder how much bandwidth I will be able to use being an angsty, culture-confused teen. Oh the joys.