Freaking out, sort of.

My accounting exam is in a week. I'm freaking out, sort of.

Can't think straight.

I really dislike people sometimes.

Not people per say. More like society. Which is made up of people. So I guess I am saying people.

I don't dislike you in particular. I think you're actually quite a nice person. So don't take it too personally. I know you don't actually mean to annoy me, I hope. Still, sometimes you manage to.

I am sick of bullshit and name-calling, and judgements and misconceptions. I'm sick of hypocrites, and dropkicks, and discrimination, and superiority. I'm sick of trying to fit your idea of the norm, I'm sick of trying to make a difference, I'm sick of this poisonous culture. I'm sick of the whole idea of true love, and I'm sick of the way relationships are portrayed in the media. I'm over your perfect little couples, and your condescension. I'm so tired of you thinking you're being liberal or whatever, because you're not, you're just being a dickhead and ignoring the facts staring you in the face. I'm sick of not seeing you and talking to you, because you were the one who taught me I wasn't good enough, and then you didn't tell me what was wrong.

So maybe I'm the problem.

I don't have any pretty pictures to go with this.

I met Juliet Landau today.

<3

I will post more later when I have regained the ability to write coherently.

I found a pretty cool song.

Unhappy Birthday - The Smiths

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)

Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I say "No, I'm gonna kill my dog"
And : "May the lines sag, may the lines sag heavy and deep tonight"


I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)


Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I said "No"
And then I shot myself
So, drink, drink, drink
And be ill tonight


From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Behind
Oh, unhappy birthday
Behind
Behind
Behind



Isn't it lovely?

because I'm materialistic

My birthday's in a few days, and I'm not having any parties or anything happening, which is alright, because I'm not much for fusses. (Okay, admittedly I like people giving me attention, but that's beside the point.)

As much as I would like to think otherwise, I am materialistic, the same as most people. So here is my wishlist.

1. The full boxset of Buffy the Vampire Slayer


2. This Skeleton Crew shirt, which I've wanted since well, forever.


3. A decent drum kit. Like, I don't know, this one? (Never mind it costing something like four grand...)


4. A new // several new guitar/s. Preferably Fender or maybe Gibson.


5. Another external hard drive, because I've almost used up a terabyte.

6. More memory for my lovely Macbook, otherwise known as Max.

7. The Angel boxset!


8. THIS CARD.




9. Also, this man please.

Or this guy.

Don't wanna be too picky.

The Seconds Before the Launch

This isn't me missing you. This is me missing the me I used to be.

This isn't me. 

From here

A Genius Bids Farewell

So I found this on a piece of paper inside a library book a while back, and it was really pretty so I swiped it...


Gabriel Garcia Marquez has retired from public life due to health reasons: cancer of the lymph nodes. It seems that it is getting worse. He has sent a farewell letter to his friends, and thanks to the Internet it is spreading. This short text, written by one of the most brilliant Latin Americans in recent times, is truly moving.


If for an instant God were to forget that I am a rag doll and gifted me with a piece of life, possibly I wouldn't say all that I think, but rather I would think of all that I say. I would value things, not for their worth  but for what they mean.

I would sleep little, dream more, understanding that for each minute we close our eyes we lose sixty seconds of light. I would walk when others hold back, I would wake when others sleep. I would listen when others talk, and how I would enjoy a good chocolate ice cream!

If God were to give me a piece of life, I would dress simply, throw myself face first into the sun, baring not only my body but also my soul. My God, if I had a heart, I would write my hate on ice, and wait for the sun to show. Over the stars I would paint with a Van Gogh dream a Benedetti poem, and a Serrat song would be the serenade I'd offer to the moon.

With my tears I would water roses, to feel the pain of their thorns, and the red kiss of their petals...My God, if I had a piece of life...I wouldn't let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them. I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites, and I would live in love with love.

I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old, not knowing that they grow old when they cease to be in love!

To a child I shall give wings, but I shall let him learn to fly on his own. I would teach the old that death does not come with old age, but with forgetting. So much have I learned from you, oh men...I have learned that everyone wants to live on the peak of the mountain, without knowing that real happiness is in how it is scaled.

I have learned that when a newborn child squeezes for the first time with his tiny fist his father's finger, he has him trapped forever. I have learned that a man has the right to look down on another only when he has to help the other get to his feet.

From you I have learned so many things, but in truth they won't be of much use, for when I keep them within this suitcase, unhappily shall I be dying.

-

I am sad.