I'm kinda disappointed.

Mostly with myself.

I'm disappointed with my lack of drama-ness and ability to speak coherently that makes people likeable. I'm disappointed in my lack of control. I'm disappointed in my inability to concentrate on anything. I'm disappointed in my obvious lack of appeal which has led to no one calling me up for a Christmas job. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel very inadequate. What brought this on? Mostly the announcement of the school captains today.

I made out that I didn't really care all that much, until they were actually announced. And then I realised how much I needed this to feel valued. It sort of feels like no one gives a crap about the last five years of my life, because hey, it's about exposure, and who is known by the most people. The captains are my friends, and I'm happy for them, but then I also resent them, which makes me feel like a terrible person. And then I feel that I've done so much more, and then I feel guilty for thinking it.

And I know for the rest of my school life, I am going to be trying to prove myself. It's completely irrational. But it's what I'll be doing.

Joss Whedon is a god.

I'm honest.

Why is he a god? Because he is one of the most amazing writers/directors ever. Okay, whatever, Quentin Tarantino, Stanley Kubrick, Christopher Nolan, I know, I know.

But okay guys. Joss Whedon not only created, wrote and directed Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly and Dollhouse. He also helped create/write/direct/produce Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, which is, well, 100% quotable, directed an episode of Glee, and co-wrote Toy Story. Oh yeah, and he's co-writing/directing the Avengers. Yeah. He's awesome, okay?

And I was thinking about it (after I a status on Facebook and everyone joined in the quote-fest), and someone said that it was great how when someone posted a Whedon quote, all the Whedon fans joined in. And yeah, that's why Joss Whedon kicks ass.

Because his characters and stories transcend you know, gender, age, genre preference, and whatever-the-hell-else. He makes up cool words (shiny, guys, just shiny), believable people, and believable not-people.

And also, just because come on. He's awesome.

Now...I'm going to watch Buffy again. Because I haven't watched an episode since this morning.

Or maybe I'll watch Dr. Horrible again. Who knows.

Happyness.

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"
-Christopher, The Pursuit of Happyness

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein.

What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

I love Romeo and Juliet to death (haha, I'm so funny) and especially the adaption with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. But while Shakespeare's point is valid, I do think names play a big part in the world.

There's a big difference between calling someone 'Charlie' and calling someone 'Charles'. The first one immediately sounds more casual and friendly. People instantly form their impressions based on names. For example, when I think of a name like...Gerard, I imagine someone sort of dark-ish and mysterious. Which is why vampires usually have cool names such as Angel and Drusilla and etc.

There has been a big push for more original names, hence celebrity kids being called 'Apple', 'Moon Unit', 'Kal-El Coppola' (Kudos for the Superman reference), and...'Princess Tiaamii'.

I recently hosted a kiddy party where I work, and I swear the only normal name there was Cynthia. Every one of the kids had one of those 'unique' names. Which is awesome, but there is a fine line between 'unique' and 'pretentious and lame'.

This ramble was mostly just to explain my blog's name - 'girl anachronism'. Firstly, it's a song by the Dresden Dolls. They're pretty amazing.

An anachronism is an error in chronology, especially putting something (object, person, idea, custom, technology, whatever) in the wrong time period. So this song is basically wishing that she'd been born in a different time, and that she's always out of place. Which I (and most people probably) can relate to.

Also, I really dislike Macbeth. Just putting it out there.

Completely addicted...

To music. Odd, isn't it?

I've been noticing it more lately. Like...I have to have my iPod speakers playing while I'm in the shower or brushing my teeth. And I listen to them when I sleep. And then on my Macbook when I wake up. Recently I had a mini spaz when I had to go from the car's music to my room to listen to music again. It was so weird.

Last night I listening to musicals, and I was convinced that musical theatre was my calling, and if I didn't sing on stage in a musical, I would die unhappy and unfulfilled.

Today I'm listening to Eminem and I have come to the conclusion that I just need music. Need it, sort of the same way I need oxygen or water.

Mini-tangent: I actually really like Eminem. I first got into him in Grade 5, and I'm pretty sure I had a huge crush on him. And I've decided that the reason Eminem is so much more awesome than other rappers is that he's a minority for one. A minority in his field, but not in you know, life. Or America. Or...whatever. It's sort of like...there is no shortage of Asians. But look at musical theatre and they are definitely a minority. That's sort of what I mean.

And I still like him. Because he's not like 'CHICKS. MONEY. RIDES. CHICKS. BOOBS. SEX. SEX. SEX.' At least, not all the time like other rappers. I like the way he rhymes.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that, I don't think I could handle any sort of future that doesn't involve music. I was thinking about music industry, like managing, but I don't know if I could be that close to so much yet not have it.

And so ends another post about what to do. Time for some Buffy.

I'm going slightly mad.

I just spent literally, 15 minutes creating a blood graphic and then another 20 minutes picking out the perfect font for my keynote for school. About Macbeth. I really dislike Macbeth. Why am I doing this? I don't know.

I would like to talk to someone, but don't want to interrupt anyone. I feel sort of...sick, at heart. I don't know why and it's unsettling. Maybe because I was looking through this book of Pulitzer Prize-winning photographs. And there were so many of death, and bad things, all because of people. Human beings' fault. You sort of wonder, will we ever learn?


Nick Ut/The Associated Press



Same earth. Same...
Yes? No? Existential angst? Yesnomaybe?

Taaaaake on me...

I think if I had to choose my three favourite music videos ever...they would have to be:

1. a-ha - Take On Me
2. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing
3. Death Cab For Cutie - A Movie Script Ending

Now I think about it, these three have a few things in common. They're all love stories in different ways and they all use some form of animation (rotoscoping, chalk drawn and stop motion photos, respectively). And they're all amazing. I just discovered the music video for Take On Me, which is why I want to rave about it. And now I've gotten to the part where I can babble on about how amazing it is, I can't think of what to say...

I just really like the concept. I'm sure everyone has fictional characters, from movies or books or the like, that they wish were real. (This song is totally not on repeat right now, I swear.) I...get so invested in characters onscreen, or in a book or graphic novel, and DAMMIT, I WANT SOME HOT NORWEGIAN GUY TO BREAK HIS WAY OUT OF A COMIC BOOK TO BE WITH ME KTHANKS.

Yes, the band is from Norway. That's what happens when I get obsessed, I look things up. They used rotoscoping, which is when they film the real life actors and then they project it somewhere and trace it all sketchy like. But that's olden day rotoscoping, and they used computers. Now I really want that for my media project. Never mind that it'll probably take months and months. Rawr.

Also, the singer has a range of at least two and a half octaves! That's actually quite incredible.

Completely unrelated, I'm pretty much up to date with my homework. Isn't it amazing? I don't even feel like myself! (A good thing, probably.)

Buffy is making me sad. SPOILER ALERT. Tara died. And Willow went all dark and 'bored now!' and flayed a guy alive. The guy was effed up anyway. He killed his girlfriend and Tara and almost killed Buffy and he was a traitor and loser. But I'm two episodes from finishing Season 6. I'm pretty sure I downloaded/watched the whole season in less than a week. But I keep accidentally reading spoilers, rawr.

I hate spoilers.

So I'm almost at the end of Season 5 of Buffy. I'm also on tumblr (same url) and I'm following a whole lot of Whedon groups. And I keep getting spoilers that I wish I could un-read. So here are the top three worst spoilers I have ever gotten. (Don't read further if you don't want spoilers for House Season 5, X-Men 3 or the last few seasons of Buffy.

1. Me and my friend were talking about Kal Penn, and he goes, 'yeah, the guy in House that dies, yeah?' And that spoilt the rest of season 5 for me.
2. After watching X-Men 2 and being sad that Jean Grey died, I was then told, 'It's okay! She comes back in the next movie!'
3. I READ THAT SPIKE GETS HIS SOUL BACK WTF.

Whoo, Angel and Buffy just kissed again after a whole season of not! I want an Angel >< In other news, I saw The Ex today. He gets caps because he's the only real ex I have an issue with. To be honest though, I don't think I regret it. Butterfly wings and all. One good thing came out of it at least, being the discovery of Amber Lamps, who are great.

But I walked into Dick Smith and there he was, helping some couple with a Mac. Fuckhimfuckhimfuckhim. I don't think he saw me. It was still bad.

Oh, yesterday there was a media screening, and it was quite, quite epic. I did the tech stuff for it and it was mad fun. I think it's because I'm pretty close to this year's Year 12 class. It's mostly because I always hang out in the media room and chill with them all the time.

My mum just gave me a good yelling-at because I'm a spoiled brat. Great times.

I'm going off into a little self-pitying tangent with the screen all blck so I can't see what I'm typing. Everything's dark and my eyes are closed. It's quite intense. Decided to not edit this at all. It'll be interesting. Like stream of consciousness stuff.

I am always doubting people around me. I know it's an awful thing to say, but it's true. I'm wondering if they actually want to talk to me, be my friend, hang out, be nice. I'm scared that I'm the weird kid that people pretend to like.

Then again, I am the weird kid. Not the weird kid as in, 'wow, I'm such a hipster. I dress differently and listen to music you've never heard of. Look, here's my posse who also all dress differently. Okay, they all look like they're the same, but it's because we are saaah indie.' I'm actually just...weird.

Like the fact that I get alll introverted and moody on camps. My friend complained to everyone that I was spoiling the mood for her. I understand that and I'm sorry, but I can't wave a magic wand and be happy for everyone's sake. And it's not like I displayed it, I went and sat in the tent until I could gain some modicum of not-angst-and-disappointingness.

I just don't know.

I am well aware it's past 3am.

And I am well aware I post entirely too much.

But, I feel there are certain pertinent facts people should know:
1. Even unwitting comments can contribute towards peer pressure that makes life complicated.
2. Authority figures are really just struggling with the same problems as the rest of us. But they can afford to be hypocritical.
3. When you type while your head is lying sideways, it makes it look like you're typing really fast. Try it.
4. Make-up is annoying. It smells funny, costs a bit and is hard to know how to put on. Once it's on, you can't rub your eyes or face because you'll smudge something, and it's just entirely too much bother.
5. When you're too busy social-networking, you forget how to be lonely.
6. 'Broke-dance' is the past tense of 'break-dance'. For realz.
7. Lists are very calming.
8. I've figured out that all you really need to dance is confidence.
9. I sometimes don't know why I bother doing things.
10. People should give me their blogs so I can read/stalk their lives.

Change of plans.

I was totally going to write a cheerful, if slightly aggressive post about nothing in particular (something in particular), because I think the no-social-networking thing is really getting to me. Screw it.



Everything's bullshit. I'm so sick of everyone faking nice and being polite and the beautiful people, although it's not their fault they're beautiful, and this singer is melting my brain because she's fucking amazing and so melancholy and I love that word so much, and something just happened and it put me in a slightly manic (in a bad way) mood.

I hate people that leave for no reason, I hate people who break up by text, and I hate people who are shallow and who think they're so goddamn superior. I hate it when the one thing I want is never going to happen, and I hate it when I realise I am a huge hypocrite and I am the root of all my problems.

I used to be sort of little, a couple of years back. Every time I stood up too fast, my blood pressure went insane and I got dizzy. Whenever I ate more than some arbitrary amount for the day, I would run to the gym, plug in my earphones, and runrunrun. And numbers all the time. Everyone says, "you're too skinny, it's not good for you." But you know, deep inside, they're just jealous. A compliment in the form of a lecture. Society is fucked. Or maybe it's just me.

Do you ever find yourself not caring if something is hurting you or not, as long as it makes you more appealing in the eyes of others?

If you're looking for me, I'm floating in a puddle of angst and self-pity and inarticulate-ness somewhere. Still sitting here, wishing you wanted me.