I can't sleep. I have too much to do. Can't sleep. I want to write, I really, really do, but if I write I feel guilty and if I sleep I feel guilty and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to deal with four VCE subjects next year if I can't deal with two.

Freaking out, sort of.

My accounting exam is in a week. I'm freaking out, sort of.

Can't think straight.

I'm kinda disappointed.

Mostly with myself.

I'm disappointed with my lack of drama-ness and ability to speak coherently that makes people likeable. I'm disappointed in my lack of control. I'm disappointed in my inability to concentrate on anything. I'm disappointed in my obvious lack of appeal which has led to no one calling me up for a Christmas job. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel very inadequate. What brought this on? Mostly the announcement of the school captains today.

I made out that I didn't really care all that much, until they were actually announced. And then I realised how much I needed this to feel valued. It sort of feels like no one gives a crap about the last five years of my life, because hey, it's about exposure, and who is known by the most people. The captains are my friends, and I'm happy for them, but then I also resent them, which makes me feel like a terrible person. And then I feel that I've done so much more, and then I feel guilty for thinking it.

And I know for the rest of my school life, I am going to be trying to prove myself. It's completely irrational. But it's what I'll be doing.

Happyness.

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"
-Christopher, The Pursuit of Happyness

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein.

And stuff.

I really loved Scott Pilgrim. It was laugh-out-loud-worthy, which the audience did, a lot, and you sort of get immersed. Especially because it's so jumpy, and I did read some sort of review that mentioned it was good for our ADD generation, and older people might dislike it because of that. Ton of video game references which are funny if you get them, but quite funny regardless.

I got sort of sick of people munching and opening Cokes, or whatever they were doing. Michael Cera was a dick some of the time, but hey, that's life, right? I wish I could have comic book visuals when I play guitar. That would be pretty rad. There were good

I sort of didn't like how my life sort of corresponds to Knives, just a bit. Like, older guy breaking up with school girl with some line like, "You're too young for me," or it might have been "I'm too old for you." Regardless, it made me uncomfortable. And it made me never want to commit to a relationship again, because she was sort of portrayed in a hapless, obsessive way, and he so obviously wasn't into it. So like. There goes my trust (again). Great.

The actual going to a cinema to watch a movie with someone who is not H, or coupled, was good. I don't know. Argh. And I can't. Yeah. Uhmm.  It was awkward, a little. I'm not good at using words. I can write them down or type them. They just don't like coming out of my mouth.

Also, we've somehow managed to use 120GB of data in 28 days. So my internet is pretty much non-existent for the next three days. God help me.