Happyness.

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"
-Christopher, The Pursuit of Happyness

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein.

And stuff.

I really loved Scott Pilgrim. It was laugh-out-loud-worthy, which the audience did, a lot, and you sort of get immersed. Especially because it's so jumpy, and I did read some sort of review that mentioned it was good for our ADD generation, and older people might dislike it because of that. Ton of video game references which are funny if you get them, but quite funny regardless.

I got sort of sick of people munching and opening Cokes, or whatever they were doing. Michael Cera was a dick some of the time, but hey, that's life, right? I wish I could have comic book visuals when I play guitar. That would be pretty rad. There were good

I sort of didn't like how my life sort of corresponds to Knives, just a bit. Like, older guy breaking up with school girl with some line like, "You're too young for me," or it might have been "I'm too old for you." Regardless, it made me uncomfortable. And it made me never want to commit to a relationship again, because she was sort of portrayed in a hapless, obsessive way, and he so obviously wasn't into it. So like. There goes my trust (again). Great.

The actual going to a cinema to watch a movie with someone who is not H, or coupled, was good. I don't know. Argh. And I can't. Yeah. Uhmm.  It was awkward, a little. I'm not good at using words. I can write them down or type them. They just don't like coming out of my mouth.

Also, we've somehow managed to use 120GB of data in 28 days. So my internet is pretty much non-existent for the next three days. God help me.

I've been staring at the blank screen

and nothing's coming to me.

I feel...lackluster. Everything seems sort of dimmed at the moment. I've been sitting at the desk with my accounting books, but I feel oddly disconnected. I don't feel like being around people, but I don't know what I want.

It's disconcerting, and at the same time, it's just...not, because I don't have the energy to feel anything much.

Today I tried to do maths homework, invested myself in characters on a screen, didn't play sport, and hated ignorance. Right now I'm sitting and wishing, and also being sort of lonely.



(We did not break up. You walked away.)

Change of plans.

I was totally going to write a cheerful, if slightly aggressive post about nothing in particular (something in particular), because I think the no-social-networking thing is really getting to me. Screw it.



Everything's bullshit. I'm so sick of everyone faking nice and being polite and the beautiful people, although it's not their fault they're beautiful, and this singer is melting my brain because she's fucking amazing and so melancholy and I love that word so much, and something just happened and it put me in a slightly manic (in a bad way) mood.

I hate people that leave for no reason, I hate people who break up by text, and I hate people who are shallow and who think they're so goddamn superior. I hate it when the one thing I want is never going to happen, and I hate it when I realise I am a huge hypocrite and I am the root of all my problems.

I used to be sort of little, a couple of years back. Every time I stood up too fast, my blood pressure went insane and I got dizzy. Whenever I ate more than some arbitrary amount for the day, I would run to the gym, plug in my earphones, and runrunrun. And numbers all the time. Everyone says, "you're too skinny, it's not good for you." But you know, deep inside, they're just jealous. A compliment in the form of a lecture. Society is fucked. Or maybe it's just me.

Do you ever find yourself not caring if something is hurting you or not, as long as it makes you more appealing in the eyes of others?

If you're looking for me, I'm floating in a puddle of angst and self-pity and inarticulate-ness somewhere. Still sitting here, wishing you wanted me.