Life crisis.

I was going to call this a midlife crisis, but then I realised I'm not there yet. So this is just a life-in-general crisis.

So I was at Push Over Festival, taking millions of photos. (I didn't have a photo pass, which meant a lot of my photos were hit and miss, hence millions of photos.) Not really millions. Anyway. Amber Lamps won, which was great, because I remember less than a year ago I saw them at the Melbourne High social and I didn't know anything about them.

Lead singer, Amber Lamps (Photo by me)

However, this served to highlight my lack of achievements in recent years. I haven't published a book, been in a musical, been on TV (except for a couple minutes when I was 12), been in a band, been discovered for anything, started a business, or anything really.

I guess this is the Gen Y thing. We're so used to instantaneous happenings and Twitter trends, shows being cast via the web, Youtube phenomena, whatever else, that when things don't happen, it's disheartening. I'm not saying that we expect things to just happen to us, but I still will admit that I feel insignificant and un-noteworthy.

To any older person who reads this, I guess this seems pretty ridiculous. I'm 17 and I feel like everything's over.

But hey, at least I'm clear on my priorities again.

Do you think everyone has some thing that they're made to do? Maybe not everyone ends up doing it, or discovers it. But the thing that means they wake up happy with their lives, that makes them complete.

If there is that one thing, I think it's music.

My parents keep telling me that music is risky, and to have a solid job and income before attempting anything in the music industry. On some level, I completely understand and agree.

On another level, my heart tells me that I can take it, and that by the time I've done a couple of degrees and am earning decent money, my heart and drive will have died.

Either way, I should probably at least finish school first, right?

Friends and other things.

In the interests of procrastinating as much as humanly possible, I will now type a blog post. It's 10.53pm, I have homework due, stories to write, clothes to put away, but hey! Writing is important! (Right? Right...?)

Anyway, it's been a long time since my last post. What have I been doing? I've been promoting a festival, Push Over 2011, here, a concert in Melbourne which one of my friends is playing at.

I should mention that. I'm a bad friend.

No really, I am. I'm the worst person ever at staying in touch and doing things. I would rather sit at home and watch TV and play video games (by the way, I just got Kingdom Hearts for PS2, about ten years after it actually came out...) than go out. It's not because my friends are boring or I don't like them. They're freaking awesome. I love them.

It's me, not them. Seriously. I'm just not good at being a social person. Coming back from that tangent, this friend that's playing in the concert, I did not hang out with much in the holidays like I said I would. You'd think that three or so months would be plenty of time to catch up with everyone. I did, once. And apart from that, things kept coming up and I kept cancelling and I felt like a bad bad person.

Did that have a point? Apparently not.

So now I've wasted a few more minutes (11 minutes, actually), I'll leave.

Leaving.

Now. (12 minutes.)

Reminiscing.

I love My Chemical Romance. A lot.

It's not like they saved my life. There was no epiphany moment where I was holding a bottle of pills and I'm Not Okay came on the radio and I realised that, "hey, I don't want to die!"

But they were there for me (in a musical sense) when I felt like everything was falling apart. They made me. Before I started listening to them and music like them, I was ordinary. Like, no life ordinary.

And despite all the crap I got and still get for liking them, I don't give a fuck. Because well, they're special. They make me feel special.

The night I saw them live was the best night of my life. I honestly do not think anything could ever top it.

Now I'm pretty much rambling. But, Danger Days? Perfection.

This is me.

Procrastinating. My review of The Getaway Plan is here. It got put in Liveguide's review section (:

And here are some photos I took with my phone, which is why I'm proud, because they turned out not too badly. So yay me.

I can't sleep. I have too much to do. Can't sleep. I want to write, I really, really do, but if I write I feel guilty and if I sleep I feel guilty and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to deal with four VCE subjects next year if I can't deal with two.

Freaking out, sort of.

My accounting exam is in a week. I'm freaking out, sort of.

Can't think straight.

I really dislike people sometimes.

Not people per say. More like society. Which is made up of people. So I guess I am saying people.

I don't dislike you in particular. I think you're actually quite a nice person. So don't take it too personally. I know you don't actually mean to annoy me, I hope. Still, sometimes you manage to.

I am sick of bullshit and name-calling, and judgements and misconceptions. I'm sick of hypocrites, and dropkicks, and discrimination, and superiority. I'm sick of trying to fit your idea of the norm, I'm sick of trying to make a difference, I'm sick of this poisonous culture. I'm sick of the whole idea of true love, and I'm sick of the way relationships are portrayed in the media. I'm over your perfect little couples, and your condescension. I'm so tired of you thinking you're being liberal or whatever, because you're not, you're just being a dickhead and ignoring the facts staring you in the face. I'm sick of not seeing you and talking to you, because you were the one who taught me I wasn't good enough, and then you didn't tell me what was wrong.

So maybe I'm the problem.

I don't have any pretty pictures to go with this.